... ok, well not that bad
Let's start somewhere near the beginning - I have a niece. A very nice niece. Allowing for doting uncle syndrome she is a delightful young miss, just recently turned 18. She has two brothers, so I also have two nephews. The eldest has a birthday round about now and as has been traditional we go out for a meal.
The good news is that the birthday boy changed his mind on the venue and we went to the same place we went last month for my niece's birthday - did I mention the pink lemonade with vanilla ice-cream float? If not, I should have - wonderful drink!
So we were all sat, drinks ordered, food ordered ... I had debated going for the ribs, but opted instead for the duck pie. Which, as it happens, was seriously nice.
My niece ordered the ribs.
My elfin, pixie-like, petite, appetite-like-a-sparrow niece ordered the ribs. Well, ok, that's not a prob ....
The plate was put down in front of her and the ribs were wider than her head. I kid you not, they had to be a good 12" wide. I stared at them and could only think (apprentice fat bastard-in-training that I am) 'thank god I did not order that I would never finish them'.
The rest of us set to, munching and nibbling, having gustatory fun with our own meals whilst keeping an eye on her, wondering at what point she'd give up.
"We can always get a doggie bag"
"Don't want one!", was the trenchant reply
She finished them. All of them. Admittedly after the rest of us had finished, but she polished them off all by herself. That was 12 or so ribs.
Where is my niece, what pod monster has replaced her?!
Oh, and the chips. She finished most of those too (I had some).